Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Randomize
