if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
