dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
