NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
