I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
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