i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
