Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
I don't deserve a penis
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
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