Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
