I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
Randomize