omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
He told me they were just razor bumps!
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Randomize
