I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
ok first of all what the fuck
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
