if you like me you must not know who I am
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
