i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Randomize
