Jerry, you need to find god
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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