It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
