So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
