And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
