piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.