They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.