Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
People with herpes should wear stickers.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
25 People Didn’t Realize They Were Talking To Someone Famous
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
21 People Tragically Stumbled Upon A Dead Body
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?