Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
