Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize