My liver just broke up with me...
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
I didn't notice because vodka
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Randomize