Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
