Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Randomize
