she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Randomize
