just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Randomize
