Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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