I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
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First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
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