Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize
