the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
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