If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
it glows. i had to have it.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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