Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
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