I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Randomize
