Don't you send me to vm
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
