I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
