I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
the condom got lost in my hair
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Randomize
