he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
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On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
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Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
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