I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
