I am puke
Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
its liver damage thursday
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
