Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
