I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Randomize