with your own penis?
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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