Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
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