I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
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