she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Randomize
