Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
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