Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Randomize
