What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
is wine microwaveable?
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
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