so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Even my vagina gasped.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Randomize
