Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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