She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Randomize
