remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
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