Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
