you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
Randomize
