i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
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