awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
