that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
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