I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
it was like having sex with a tree stump
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
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