I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
