just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
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