he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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