Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
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