I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Randomize
