Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Randomize
